I’ve always had a problem with my body image since I can remember.
I’ve always been the “chubby” one.
I’ve worked hard to get where I am today.
It may not be my dream body or my goals.
But I’ve learned to love it!
Its really hard to say that I’m confident because I’m not!
I fake it till I make it.
That’s right I pretend!
But recently I’ve got this over-powering feeling that I should just LOVE everything I hate about myself!
Why should I go through life hating my body?
I always see “bigger” women and get inspired – ‘They’re wearing shorts… they look good in shorts… I could wear shorts’
I remember these two teenagers in a store once. They were really pretty and yet they weren’t “skinny” they rocked those shorts! I remembered at that time in my life I would NEVER wear shorts,or tank tops. They inspired a young girl to finally wear shorts.
I bet they don’t even know they did it either! (Thank you)
But now when I wear shorts… I hope there’s a young girl looking at me thinking those same thoughts I had once.
So on my journey of loving myself(still in progress)
I haven’t alway been body positive.
When I was 16 I got my first job. Working with some beautiful people.
I hated it. I quit -then a few months later started there again.
My second time around I found myself liking the work and the people more.
I had this (huge) crush on a guy that worked there.
He was super sweet and we had a lot in common.
A few people told me he liked me and we both made it known that we liked each other.
Before you get your hopes up and think it’s a love story… nope! Never went further then me telling him I liked him!
No hate towards him.
But after him never texting back… Instead of being like other females I began to hate myself instead of him.
‘Why am I not good enough?’
‘Is it cause I’m fat’
‘I’m a fat loser is why he doesn’t like me’
These were all lies I told myself.
Now in the time I had talked to him as friends… (which is how I wish it would have stayed) he helped me to really like myself.I felt pretty(what girl doesn’t when a man shows her attention?)
Now back to hating myself.
I was in self loathe mode.
Back to jeans 24/7 and you guessed it.. barely eating.
Everyone around me (my family) disliked him.
But I still couldn’t bring myself to hate him.
What had he done?
It was all my fault.
No. It was no ones fault. It was a girls first real crush and she let him know she liked him. No harm done.
That was over a year ago and today I wish I could tell him thank you!
Cause after self loathe came self love.
I leaned to Love myself without anyone else loving me (I have so many people that love me)
But I don’t need them to love me.
I AM ENOUGH!
(It only took me 18 years)
I still have bad days but it’s only days. Not years!
I have way more good,body loving days then body hating days!
The other day I posted on my social media a picture of me doing yoga! It still shocks me that I hit post.
I still see imperfections in the mirror but I’ve learned to look in the mirror and say what I love about myself rather the what I don’t.
It’s not about confidence it’s about love.
Body positively is a big part of my life!
Workout to be healthy.Eat to be healthy.
Not to be skinny!